To say I love..

Hi Steve,

Finally all hurdles are over and I got my visa. I have packed my bags and I feel so excited..I am ...

"Kanna...did you keep the tickets and passport in that pouch?"

That was Appa. He had been running around all week to make preparations for my travel.
He bent a little as he walked.He was getting old.

As a wind blown from no where, did a veil of gloom cover my mind now? I did not feel excited anymore.
I looked into his eyes...and they were talking with mine.

"Appa...do I really want to go? "
"Kanna...this is what you dreamed all your life , right?"
"Couldn't you ask for once Appa... , for me to stay back? Isn't that what you wish? Don't you need me in your weak days?"
"And you would listen? Kanna...we are the past. The life is yours and the time. Go make your life! Appa and Amma should never be the obstacles to achieve your dreams, your life "

Appa silently moved out of the room.

I felt insecure for no reason.

It was a rainy day, and we played football longer than usual in the rain and I missed the school bus.
I felt scared and helpless. I looked around and waited eagerly in the school veranda,waiting for someone who never told would turn up...but my mind waited for him.
And then there was Appa on his bicycle. I thought he would scold me. But he just patted my back and put me on the bicycle and held my hand tight. I was not scared anymore.
I wished I could hold his hand tight now and push away the fear.


How easy it was to tell Jennifer that I loved her. How easy it was to gift her on a million occasions and tell her sorry a hundred times for no reasons.
How patiently I would wait outside her hostel for hours and accept all her demands.
And I know her for just over a year now?
But...but did I not love Appa more than her? Did I not know him for my entire life? And I was struggling here to tell him that I love him. To let him know how much he means to me!
We never talked freely. We never expressed our hearts out. But he told me he loved me with his life. But me?What was holding me back?

I sat down to complete the email.

"But Steve...I think I am not coming. I need to be here."

I had to tell Appa that I loved him.

The wind had blown past and it took away the veil too.


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