"My time has come dear. I can't hide any more"
It was time for him to go. The legend who I called the Mirage, who stood the test of time and aggression for three long years would give up in a short while.
And I would be left alone, to hide from the hunters for an existence.
"Hi, I am Tweenie. I was born without a name like most of us, and it was Mirage who first called me Tweenie.
Because he said I was like a teenager, with swaying behaviour.
I did not express myself when I had to, and I sometimes showed nasty anger, when I had t o hide myself.
And yes, like Mirage, Twister who was with us till last week, Prodigy who showed talent but also gave up her life in the early years and many others , I am also a code bug.
It was one of those world cup football days that I was born, when the developer half asleep after the night match carelessly gave me my blood and flesh.
I wanted to see the world, travel places and be known to all. I began to express myself, that's when the wise Mirage told me in my ears -be calm.
Unless we hid ourselves, unless we expressed ourselves mildly, we could not exist. I saw many of my brothers and sisters mercilessly being killed by the developer. He had a wicked smile, each time he pressed the run button and we could not raise our head.
"You ought to hide now, be dormant. After sometime, there is another test to pass. The tester as those people are called, are going to provoke you by all means. But you should understand the trap. They yell at you, praise you, poke you, smile at you...but do not, do not at any cost express yourselves." If you pass that test, you can travel to the land of expression -they call US.
There were testing times. When the soft developer cried in front of me , as she could not "fix" me. That's what they call the merciless killing in their world. I was about to sacrifice myself and come out of my hiding place but Mirage told me she wouldn't thank you for your sacrifice , but proclaim the murder and bag an MVP award. An award for a cruel murder? IT world is a real crazy world.
Mirage has got an interesting story too. He has remained dormant for the past three years. He should have real patience to suppress his real self, just for an existence? How could he do that?
After all, we are bugs. And we ought to show ourselves up at some time or other.
Mirage would break his self proclaimed prison at times, and he said Ralf did not mind it usually. By the way Ralf is the sweet little buganitarian, who just let us pass almost all times. Usually he closes the application and take a coffee break whenever Mirage wanted to express himself. But this time, I guess he fought with his wife in the morning. And he escalated the issue. And we had to travel back, from the land of freedom back to the offshore factory. And Mirage told me to hide myself in the corner and he was going to give up. He seemed too tired curbing himself for long.
And that's when the developer got his eye on him. The smile that developer had, shows accomplishment. He thinks he hunted Mirage out. But does he realize Mirage was giving up himself, not to help the developer, but he was too tired of his hiding place? Would the developer ever think of the favour knowingly or unknowingly Mirage gave him, when he hold the MVP award in his hand? Would he think of the poor souls he murdered just for an award?
I am feeling lonely here now. But I know this is not the end of the world. I heard the developer saying to his friend that he was tired of the job and was least applying his mind in code these days. I am waiting eagerly for my friends here and hoping, the developer doesn't find me out soon. Yes, I promise I will remain dormant, rather,I will forget my "self".
Jul 26, 2007
Jul 23, 2007
Cafe de' Kottayam
Nostalgia is a nice word. Everyone treasures their set of memories of those lost days.
But here I am, with nostalgia of food! Of all the things from my childhood, I know one thing I would miss the most would be the delicious cuisine...Its not jsut about the taste, but the tiny little memories that hang along with them.
A list of all of them would be endless, but to start with a few of them...
Appam
Paallappam, Vellayappam, Kallappam - Call it by any name and be it of any shape, Appam still holds the first place when I talk about memories. Its not about the superior taste, but the prestige it holds . An Easter or Christmas without Appam would be like a sky without stars.
The prize for getting up early and being a good girl in church -soft fluffy Appam with beef or chicken curry. The women, after church talk not about lipstick or dog show, but what to do about the extra salt or sour taste in the Appam. The breakfast table would be busy always with Pappa sharing his nostalgic memories of Easter or Christmas during his childhood.
Idiyappam
The varieties of Appam is endless and considered most prestigious, but personally my favourite would be Idiyappam. Again soft fluffy noodles cake( Thats what we would reply when someone asked what we had for lunch, since we were supposed to speak only English in school :)) Idiyappam with egg roast -Mamma knows thats what I like the most. And thats what adorned the breakfast whenever I returned home from hostel after a long break. Countless idiayappams to counter the no-taste hostel food. Memories are still fresh.
Kappa and Fish curry.
Every time we have Kappa with fish curry, Pappa says, its the Portugese who brought Kappa and Puttu to Kerala. If I ever support that the invasion of India by foreign nations have benefited us, the first argument would be these delicious dishes that they have added to the average Malayalee dining table.
There are two ways to serve Kappa. You can either boil in simply (called thundan kappa) and serve with mashed onion and green chillies or you can cook it with grated coconut and other ingredients and serve with red hot fish curry. I loved them both ways.Kappa is considered the poor man's food and may be thats why kappa used to be the special food on ordinary Sundays, sundays when Mamma felt we need a special treat...And everytime the kappa was served Pappa would start singing
"Pande oru baalan
kappem meenum kondu
karthavinarukil poyathorkuno"
Its a parody of some church song, the original of which I don't know, but everytime I see hot kappa served, I can't resist humming this song, at least silently.
Puttu Kadala
As mentioned above, another reason to thank Portugese. The most common puttu kadala. Ok, this is not a special dish but what serves the right breakfast for Malayalee almost everyday. Whenever I talk about breakfast at home, the first thing to come to my mind would be puttu kadala. Something that I have had the most, still not bored of. Again, it used to be a shame to tke puttu kadala to lunch because there was nothing special about it, and if we did we called it steam cake! :)
Indiriyappam
Indiriyappam a.k.a pesaha appam holds a special place in my memories. Made only once in a year, on Maundy Thursday(Pesaha), I never liked it in my childhood. It was the sacred appam, to be cut after the prayer and distributed according to seniority. I always used to be last in line to get that, and always tried to hide , so that I dont have to take a big piece. But as of now, if someone gave me a whole of it too, I would gulp it down and ask for more. Pesaha appam reminds me of unity, a time when all members of the family and extended family get together. It is a chain that continues. All people living close by get together in each house one by one, and cut the pesaha appam.Those memories of moving from one house to the next in the night holds a special place in all the treasured memories. When men talked about politics and farming. Women talked about the pesaha appam. Old women remembered how Christ gave his life for us. And we children had lots of school stories and plans for the summer vacation ahead.
Kanji
Something, the taste of which I don't miss even now, but th memories of which I do. Those raining nights of the monsoons, when the rain gets heavier and heavier as we take each spoonful of kanji . Hot steaming kanji with payar, pappadam, pickle and thenga chammandi(coconut chutney). The joy of slurping down the kanji, trying to rhythm it with the cold rains outside. Those were the days!
I could talk and talk about many more of those mouth watering cuisines with mesmerizing memories, but I rather stop here and go on to cook the 2 minute Maggi noodles. Dinner menu reads Maggi noodles and Lays potato chips! :(
But here I am, with nostalgia of food! Of all the things from my childhood, I know one thing I would miss the most would be the delicious cuisine...Its not jsut about the taste, but the tiny little memories that hang along with them.
A list of all of them would be endless, but to start with a few of them...
Appam
Paallappam, Vellayappam, Kallappam - Call it by any name and be it of any shape, Appam still holds the first place when I talk about memories. Its not about the superior taste, but the prestige it holds . An Easter or Christmas without Appam would be like a sky without stars.
The prize for getting up early and being a good girl in church -soft fluffy Appam with beef or chicken curry. The women, after church talk not about lipstick or dog show, but what to do about the extra salt or sour taste in the Appam. The breakfast table would be busy always with Pappa sharing his nostalgic memories of Easter or Christmas during his childhood.
Idiyappam
The varieties of Appam is endless and considered most prestigious, but personally my favourite would be Idiyappam. Again soft fluffy noodles cake( Thats what we would reply when someone asked what we had for lunch, since we were supposed to speak only English in school :)) Idiyappam with egg roast -Mamma knows thats what I like the most. And thats what adorned the breakfast whenever I returned home from hostel after a long break. Countless idiayappams to counter the no-taste hostel food. Memories are still fresh.
Kappa and Fish curry.
Every time we have Kappa with fish curry, Pappa says, its the Portugese who brought Kappa and Puttu to Kerala. If I ever support that the invasion of India by foreign nations have benefited us, the first argument would be these delicious dishes that they have added to the average Malayalee dining table.
There are two ways to serve Kappa. You can either boil in simply (called thundan kappa) and serve with mashed onion and green chillies or you can cook it with grated coconut and other ingredients and serve with red hot fish curry. I loved them both ways.Kappa is considered the poor man's food and may be thats why kappa used to be the special food on ordinary Sundays, sundays when Mamma felt we need a special treat...And everytime the kappa was served Pappa would start singing
"Pande oru baalan
kappem meenum kondu
karthavinarukil poyathorkuno"
Its a parody of some church song, the original of which I don't know, but everytime I see hot kappa served, I can't resist humming this song, at least silently.
Puttu Kadala
As mentioned above, another reason to thank Portugese. The most common puttu kadala. Ok, this is not a special dish but what serves the right breakfast for Malayalee almost everyday. Whenever I talk about breakfast at home, the first thing to come to my mind would be puttu kadala. Something that I have had the most, still not bored of. Again, it used to be a shame to tke puttu kadala to lunch because there was nothing special about it, and if we did we called it steam cake! :)
Indiriyappam
Indiriyappam a.k.a pesaha appam holds a special place in my memories. Made only once in a year, on Maundy Thursday(Pesaha), I never liked it in my childhood. It was the sacred appam, to be cut after the prayer and distributed according to seniority. I always used to be last in line to get that, and always tried to hide , so that I dont have to take a big piece. But as of now, if someone gave me a whole of it too, I would gulp it down and ask for more. Pesaha appam reminds me of unity, a time when all members of the family and extended family get together. It is a chain that continues. All people living close by get together in each house one by one, and cut the pesaha appam.Those memories of moving from one house to the next in the night holds a special place in all the treasured memories. When men talked about politics and farming. Women talked about the pesaha appam. Old women remembered how Christ gave his life for us. And we children had lots of school stories and plans for the summer vacation ahead.
Kanji
Something, the taste of which I don't miss even now, but th memories of which I do. Those raining nights of the monsoons, when the rain gets heavier and heavier as we take each spoonful of kanji . Hot steaming kanji with payar, pappadam, pickle and thenga chammandi(coconut chutney). The joy of slurping down the kanji, trying to rhythm it with the cold rains outside. Those were the days!
I could talk and talk about many more of those mouth watering cuisines with mesmerizing memories, but I rather stop here and go on to cook the 2 minute Maggi noodles. Dinner menu reads Maggi noodles and Lays potato chips! :(
Jul 21, 2007
A friday evening.
"Good night Madam" The cab driver wished me as I thanked him .
10:40 PM. Watchman fast asleep. I had a smile as I walked past him.
Lakshmi was already sleeping as I reached home. She did not have dinner today also. I wonder what happened to her, its been the same for a few days.
If it was the old me, I would break my head thinking what could be wrong. But , not me now.
I had planned to watch the late night movie, but didn't feel like switching on the TV when I saw her sleeping calmly.
As I picked up some snacks and the newspaper, the boys next door had started their daily guitar practice session.
I can hear them play longer notes now. They have advanced from the Do Re Mee.
Standing in the balcony, all I thought was , was this not my dream long long time back?
Be of myself, support myself, living in an apartment with the balcony facing the night moon.
But those dreams were much lovelier than the reality I was living now!
But still, there was a smile hovering...did I have such a nice day?
11:15 PM. Decided to sleep early and go for a morning walk. Reflecting back on the day, it had not been a bad one.
Less of on site issues, less of code issues, a sumptuous lunch at Chechi's mess, an Iced Eskimo, a nice chat session later in the evening, and a tour de Mysore through the deserted roads in the night cab. It had been a good day.
Yes, as expected she called.
1:00 AM. Am I feeling good like before? I wonder!
10:40 PM. Watchman fast asleep. I had a smile as I walked past him.
Lakshmi was already sleeping as I reached home. She did not have dinner today also. I wonder what happened to her, its been the same for a few days.
If it was the old me, I would break my head thinking what could be wrong. But , not me now.
I had planned to watch the late night movie, but didn't feel like switching on the TV when I saw her sleeping calmly.
As I picked up some snacks and the newspaper, the boys next door had started their daily guitar practice session.
I can hear them play longer notes now. They have advanced from the Do Re Mee.
Standing in the balcony, all I thought was , was this not my dream long long time back?
Be of myself, support myself, living in an apartment with the balcony facing the night moon.
But those dreams were much lovelier than the reality I was living now!
But still, there was a smile hovering...did I have such a nice day?
11:15 PM. Decided to sleep early and go for a morning walk. Reflecting back on the day, it had not been a bad one.
Less of on site issues, less of code issues, a sumptuous lunch at Chechi's mess, an Iced Eskimo, a nice chat session later in the evening, and a tour de Mysore through the deserted roads in the night cab. It had been a good day.
Yes, as expected she called.
1:00 AM. Am I feeling good like before? I wonder!
Jul 12, 2007
Hypocrisy, thy name Me!
Yesterday I was thinking of relocating to my home town.
And I prepared my speech to be told in front of my DM.
Because I wanted to be at home and be with my family.
Surprisingly, my DM calls me today and asks my aspiration.
And I say:
“I am willing to relocate to any location if it offers me a challenging and satisfying work”
Is this what is called hypocrisy.
So now I am arguing with Rupa to find out, what is her real aspiration!
And I prepared my speech to be told in front of my DM.
Because I wanted to be at home and be with my family.
Surprisingly, my DM calls me today and asks my aspiration.
And I say:
“I am willing to relocate to any location if it offers me a challenging and satisfying work”
Is this what is called hypocrisy.
So now I am arguing with Rupa to find out, what is her real aspiration!
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