Loneliness or solitue-part2

Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.
-Henry Longfellow
Who ever said “The greatest loneliness is not to be comfortable with you self “may be wrong!
Sometimes, the greatest loneliness is to be so comfortable with yourself that you shut the door to the world beyond you.

It hurts to know that you no more get hurt in any relationship!
It pains to know that you don’t feel the pain anymore in missing people.
Like the ship in the ocean… not searching for the light...
Not stop for the passing by ships…but just signal the presence...
Loneliness or solitude, call it by any name,
But for the hollowness that stays on....

Trial

ഇഹപരലോകമൊന്നിലുമൊടുങ്ങുകിലീ മോഹങ്ങളൊക്കെയും

ജനന മരണ ഖണ്ഡങ്ങള്ക്കിടയിലായീ ഉഴലുമീ നടനമത്രയും

ചേരുവാനാകാത്തൊരു കരയും തേടി അലയുമീ യാത്രയില്

നേടിയതൊകെയും നഷ്ട്മാക്കുന്നു ഈ മൂഢഡനും

My Banyan tree

The banyan tree has grown old.
It was the same tree that I grew up with.
The same tree that I spent the many beautiful moments in my life.
For every wind, I would rush to stand under the tree
And relish the music of the leaves,
And wish for more winds to pass by
For every rain, I would rush to stand under the tree
And relish the shower of drops
And wish for more rains to come
I shared my joys here
I shared my burdens here
It was tall, it was strong
But as I grew up and I realize now
The banyan tree has grown old.
No more can it stand the wind or the rain
And I pray every moment, shall there be no more winds and no more rain
For I love my banyan tree
And I can’t stand the tree falling down.

To say I love..

Hi Steve,

Finally all hurdles are over and I got my visa. I have packed my bags and I feel so excited..I am ...

"Kanna...did you keep the tickets and passport in that pouch?"

That was Appa. He had been running around all week to make preparations for my travel.
He bent a little as he walked.He was getting old.

As a wind blown from no where, did a veil of gloom cover my mind now? I did not feel excited anymore.
I looked into his eyes...and they were talking with mine.

"Appa...do I really want to go? "
"Kanna...this is what you dreamed all your life , right?"
"Couldn't you ask for once Appa... , for me to stay back? Isn't that what you wish? Don't you need me in your weak days?"
"And you would listen? Kanna...we are the past. The life is yours and the time. Go make your life! Appa and Amma should never be the obstacles to achieve your dreams, your life "

Appa silently moved out of the room.

I felt insecure for no reason.

It was a rainy day, and we played football longer than usual in the rain and I missed the school bus.
I felt scared and helpless. I looked around and waited eagerly in the school veranda,waiting for someone who never told would turn up...but my mind waited for him.
And then there was Appa on his bicycle. I thought he would scold me. But he just patted my back and put me on the bicycle and held my hand tight. I was not scared anymore.
I wished I could hold his hand tight now and push away the fear.


How easy it was to tell Jennifer that I loved her. How easy it was to gift her on a million occasions and tell her sorry a hundred times for no reasons.
How patiently I would wait outside her hostel for hours and accept all her demands.
And I know her for just over a year now?
But...but did I not love Appa more than her? Did I not know him for my entire life? And I was struggling here to tell him that I love him. To let him know how much he means to me!
We never talked freely. We never expressed our hearts out. But he told me he loved me with his life. But me?What was holding me back?

I sat down to complete the email.

"But Steve...I think I am not coming. I need to be here."

I had to tell Appa that I loved him.

The wind had blown past and it took away the veil too.


..........

.....

Some lives

"Faster Appaachu faster..."
Vinod's rickshaw was well ahead of us. And it was rode by Raman, much younger and stronger than Appachu.
But still we believed Appachu could do the impossible. Appachu could do anything. Absolutely anything!
Stop at the sweetshop and buy us rasagulas that our parents denied us.
Stop at the abandoned pond where it was believed lived the giant alligators, and get us the lotus flowers...
Tell us why nobody went into the big mansion across the paddy fields. (Yes, there existed the bad spirit of the dead man)
Tell us why there was a rainbow after the showers.
He knew more than our Science teacher, he knew more than our Maths teacher.

“Apaachu, what happens to the moon day by day, where does it go?” that’s Johny, with whom I always fought for the side seat.
“ There is a big fox in the sky…, and he tries to eat the rabbit in the moon…and…” Appachu would start the explanation.

Janaki always carried her precious treasure with her. A jar refilled with live dragon flies every day.
The dragon flies would flutter their wings and Janaki loved watching them trying to escape.
We always felt pity for the captivated innocent flies but it was no use fighting with Janaki.

Boby did not like Appachu because he would seize away the bubble gums that Boby had secretly obtained.
Bubble gums were a strict no in school and at home. Appachu thought bubble gums caused cancer. We did not know what cancer is, but we hated it cause, that took away our bubble gums. Boby always said, he hadn’t heard of anyone having cancer and it was a myth.


We graduated from cycle rickshaw to school buses, our own cycles, bikes and later …cars.
Johny now works in ISRO. May be he still wonders where the moon disappears every fortnight and he tries to find an answer with the fox and rabbit story.
Boby went on to become a doctor, specializing to treat cancer patients. I don’t know if he allows his patients to have bubble gums.
And Janaki, she called me last month. She wanted me to contribute something for Blue Cross. She was one of the volunteers of the animal welfare organization.

And Appachu? He must be still riding the rickshaw some where down the lane, giving some other children, the way to their lives.

Some lives...remain as stale as ever...and some lives....as complete as ever.