"The voice of life in me cannot reach the ears of life in you.
But let us talk that we may not feel lonely" -Khalil Gibran






Showing posts with label just so. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just so. Show all posts

Mar 19, 2018

The wailing wall and the sandpiper

" Could you spare me the weeping?" Asked the desperate wailing wall.
" Oh dear oh dear..I come not to wail, but to wade...show me the rivers of sorrow...show me the rains of tears"
replied the ever joyful sandpiper.

Aug 23, 2010

The Bewildered Soldier:Lost in the Divine Decree

Like the lonely melody of the flute in the moonlight
You hear it coming, nearer than never before.
Like the whispering wind on a cold mountain top,
You feel it coming, closer than ever before.


Not a soul cries for the faded rose
Withered in a silent cold desert night
Blown by the wind, buried in the sand
Lost in the unknown dunes of destiny
Never talked about, never thought about
Ever again in the tales of time.


Not a soul cries for the wounded sparrow
Dying beneath the crumbling autumn leaves
Soaked in rain, bleeding to death
Lost in the unknown harvest of destiny
Never talked about, never thought about
Ever again in the tales of time.


Not a soul cries for the weeping lover
Mourning over the dying nihilist
Suffering in soul, agony in heart
Lost in the unknown battles of destiny
Never talked about, never thought about
Ever again in the tales of time.



Like a soldier guarding the falling fort,
Standing helpless, yet ferocious in the battle ground
It’s a battle lost, to be forgotten in history
Yet you fight to death, lest you be called the coward

Down by the arrow, lies the wretched soldier
Lost in the unknown whirls of destiny
Never talked about, never thought about
Ever again in the tales of time.

Jan 17, 2008

Dreams never come for wholesale!

A pale of gloomy staleness…then a chilly wind…
And then the white flakes of snow…


I checked the messenger list once again…No ..no one there to share the excitement.
I glanced through the phone book. Gone were the days, when I could simply dial a number and shout out “Hey, its snowing”.
All I could do was to blankly look out into the white fields and wonder , how true was my friend, who tried to convince me always “dreams come true…though in packets of different shape than what was asked for.”

Dreams have always been unlimited. Many of them, not hoped to or wished to come true.
To see snow, was just one of them.
And I still say, monsoons back home is much more enchanting than a snowfall!

Well, so are dreams being sent from above in small packets? Who knows!
But then I have also dreamed of bringing the first Wimbledon title home, being the single Prime Minister of a united nation of India and Pakistan, winning a cricket match when my side needs 36 of the last over (yes, it was before the T20 times! :)) , solving the most difficult issue in the spacecraft by the stroke of a single key (Ah! Those days I thought as we see in movies, a series of hard thinking and background music and finally a doubtful stroke of some red key on the keyboard panel is the solution to all computeric problems! ) and so on…

Nov 16, 2007

Stay back, those eloping memory cells!

Back to office after the short 4 day vacation, I was amazed at myself that I could not remember my network password. Finally, I needed the help of the admins to unlock and reset my password. I asked myself for once, was I falling into the alzchiemer's category? But 30 is even along way to go!
But then, I do remember it was raining heavily on the first day in school, that Dec 6th is the day when we saw last of our doggie Jimmy some 12 years ago, Sachin had bowled the last over against SA in the hero cup again almost a decade ago, my first doll lived with its one eye after the first week etc. But I can't remember half of my online user ids , passwords, recent acquaintance's names, tasks! May be they were right, when they said women remember to details all the unnecessary things, and forget the important matters!
Yeah, so now, whenever someone asks me a favor, I tell them back, "please remind me after some time". I try to ignore the grin that I see on their face. And when I have to introduce common acquaintances, I very smartly skip their names! They may find me manner less, but wouldn't it be even more sinful, to say I don't remember their names? :)
I told my friend I am going to take a daily dose of "JyothishBrahmi" but then she said, our brains were in degrading state and not in developing state. Sad!
I hope I have enough of memory cells left with me when I am fifty, to think back on these days and smile. In case, I don't...probably, I should start writing a detailed autobiography, so that I can at least read and wonder...was that my life???

Oct 17, 2007

Results...

Some years ago...
"Yaar..the results are out...heard a few flunked"
"I guess its getting tougher. They need to be lenient. Strict correction to make people flunk is not going to help them or us"
"But the syllabus itself is getting tougher"


Overheard at the office pantry a few days ago...
"Man, the results are out...not quite encouraging"
"I guess its stagnating. We need to diversify. Sticking to one core area is not going to help them or the employees"
"But market itself is stagnating man"

Yes, everyone is growing....but some things never change! :-)

Aug 29, 2007

Choice of a life time...

How long does it take to know a person?
A lifetime of course.
And you are expected to answer the question “Do you like him” from the five minute meeting you had.
A person, who you had no idea, that he existed on earth before these five minutes.
A person, who you don’t know, if he prefers you taking the lead in the conversation.
A person, who you don’t know if he likes talking about cricket.
A person who you don’t know if he enjoys the wind at the sunset on a beach.
A person who you don’t know if he enjoys munching the peanuts as you take the long walk.
A person who you don’t know if he likes coffee or tea.
A person who you don’t know if he appreciates that you are an individual with equal emotions, ambitions and challenges.

And you are supposed to decide whether you would like to spend the rest of your life with him in those five minutes.
You are supposed to select a life time companion for you in those five minutes, when all your life you believed companionships just happen and are not made.
You are supposed to believe that you have chosen your soulmate…who reads every single thought of yours, when you don’t even know if the person who sits in front of you enjoys reading Ruskin Bond or Ayn Ryand!


And I am surprised by the fact; most of the people I have known in my life have made the right decision in those five minutes or even less.
Life is indeed beyond our reign and control!

Aug 20, 2007

Money...

If I had a ten rupee note, I could have a coffee with a friend…but then it wouldn’t be enough for a tropical ice berg.
If I had a hundred rupee note I could buy a meal for 4 starving street kids. But then, the number of such starving stomachs always exceeds the number of 100 rupee note you could get.
If I had 45,000 rupees I could buy a laptop…but then, I would still need another 45k for a good one.
If I had 1 lakh rupees, I could save a kidney patient from death..but the number of kidney patients exceeds lakhs…
If I had 3 lakh rupees, I could live happily….but then I read today, it wouldn’t be enough to spend one night in the most luxurious hotel in Mumbai.
Money is never enough…be it for necessity…or for luxury…

Aug 15, 2007

Indian pizzaa...

We were at the restaurant to have the first meal of the day.
I don’t remember a single day back home, when I missed a meal of the day, be it breakfast, lunch, dinner or even evening tea.
And here we were, grooving ourselves into the metro culture, skipping breakfast and lunch on a holiday to have a posh dinner.


“Mamma…I want pizza”
“No da…there is no pizza in this hotel, we will have something else..”

The little boy was getting restless at the next table.
“No mamma..I want only pizzaa…”
“Ask this waiter also, there is no pizzaa…”

The waiter smiled and replied…
“Pizzaa only in pizza hut…we will give you something which tastes exactly the same….that is called cheese naan”
“Yes da…we will have cheese naan”
“but mummy, pizzaaa…?”
“This taste exactly like pizzaa da….we will have cheese naan”



That’s when my phone rang. Call from home.
“Yes mummy, I had breakfast and lunch. And now, we are having dinner outside.”


What a world is this! Where everyone lied to their loved ones!

The little boy was still waiting for this cheese naan when we left the restaurant.
I hope he approves that cheese naan do resemble pizza in taste.

Jul 26, 2007

And queit flows the code...

"My time has come dear. I can't hide any more"
It was time for him to go. The legend who I called the Mirage, who stood the test of time and aggression for three long years would give up in a short while.
And I would be left alone, to hide from the hunters for an existence.



"Hi, I am Tweenie. I was born without a name like most of us, and it was Mirage who first called me Tweenie.
Because he said I was like a teenager, with swaying behaviour.
I did not express myself when I had to, and I sometimes showed nasty anger, when I had t o hide myself.
And yes, like Mirage, Twister who was with us till last week, Prodigy who showed talent but also gave up her life in the early years and many others , I am also a code bug.


It was one of those world cup football days that I was born, when the developer half asleep after the night match carelessly gave me my blood and flesh.
I wanted to see the world, travel places and be known to all. I began to express myself, that's when the wise Mirage told me in my ears -be calm.
Unless we hid ourselves, unless we expressed ourselves mildly, we could not exist. I saw many of my brothers and sisters mercilessly being killed by the developer. He had a wicked smile, each time he pressed the run button and we could not raise our head.
"You ought to hide now, be dormant. After sometime, there is another test to pass. The tester as those people are called, are going to provoke you by all means. But you should understand the trap. They yell at you, praise you, poke you, smile at you...but do not, do not at any cost express yourselves." If you pass that test, you can travel to the land of expression -they call US.

There were testing times. When the soft developer cried in front of me , as she could not "fix" me. That's what they call the merciless killing in their world. I was about to sacrifice myself and come out of my hiding place but Mirage told me she wouldn't thank you for your sacrifice , but proclaim the murder and bag an MVP award. An award for a cruel murder? IT world is a real crazy world.


Mirage has got an interesting story too. He has remained dormant for the past three years. He should have real patience to suppress his real self, just for an existence? How could he do that?
After all, we are bugs. And we ought to show ourselves up at some time or other.
Mirage would break his self proclaimed prison at times, and he said Ralf did not mind it usually. By the way Ralf is the sweet little buganitarian, who just let us pass almost all times. Usually he closes the application and take a coffee break whenever Mirage wanted to express himself. But this time, I guess he fought with his wife in the morning. And he escalated the issue. And we had to travel back, from the land of freedom back to the offshore factory. And Mirage told me to hide myself in the corner and he was going to give up. He seemed too tired curbing himself for long.
And that's when the developer got his eye on him. The smile that developer had, shows accomplishment. He thinks he hunted Mirage out. But does he realize Mirage was giving up himself, not to help the developer, but he was too tired of his hiding place? Would the developer ever think of the favour knowingly or unknowingly Mirage gave him, when he hold the MVP award in his hand? Would he think of the poor souls he murdered just for an award?

I am feeling lonely here now. But I know this is not the end of the world. I heard the developer saying to his friend that he was tired of the job and was least applying his mind in code these days. I am waiting eagerly for my friends here and hoping, the developer doesn't find me out soon. Yes, I promise I will remain dormant, rather,I will forget my "self".

Jul 21, 2007

A friday evening.

"Good night Madam" The cab driver wished me as I thanked him .
10:40 PM. Watchman fast asleep. I had a smile as I walked past him.
Lakshmi was already sleeping as I reached home. She did not have dinner today also. I wonder what happened to her, its been the same for a few days.
If it was the old me, I would break my head thinking what could be wrong. But , not me now.

I had planned to watch the late night movie, but didn't feel like switching on the TV when I saw her sleeping calmly.
As I picked up some snacks and the newspaper, the boys next door had started their daily guitar practice session.
I can hear them play longer notes now. They have advanced from the Do Re Mee.
Standing in the balcony, all I thought was , was this not my dream long long time back?
Be of myself, support myself, living in an apartment with the balcony facing the night moon.
But those dreams were much lovelier than the reality I was living now!
But still, there was a smile hovering...did I have such a nice day?

11:15 PM. Decided to sleep early and go for a morning walk. Reflecting back on the day, it had not been a bad one.
Less of on site issues, less of code issues, a sumptuous lunch at Chechi's mess, an Iced Eskimo, a nice chat session later in the evening, and a tour de Mysore through the deserted roads in the night cab. It had been a good day.
Yes, as expected she called.

1:00 AM. Am I feeling good like before? I wonder!

Jun 30, 2007

For a silent question...

The rain drop touched the leaf and wished to hold on …
The leaf, lost in the embrace wished to stay in touch…
But the drop never asked if it could stay for a moment more..
And the leaf never asked the drop to stay back for a moment more..
And thus left the raindrop, to be lost in the earth waiting to hold her..
Leaving behind the lonely leaf waiting for the next drop that never came…


For a silent question that was never put to words…
For the question that was longed to be answered…but never heard..
The two souls parted, still wondering why..

A five rupee earned!

This painting looked elegant and different from the rest of them.
It’s easy to describe it, just five strokes of different colors.
One vertical, one horizontal, two diagonal and one encircling all the above.
And it was called “The Fanatic Illusions of a Distressed Mind”. How symbolic!
And the price of 2400/- was quite reasonable for such a fabulous piece of modern art.

I grabbed hold of the painting and moved out of the exhibition hall. This would adorn my living room in style.
It would be a perfect match for the French windows, the Persian curtains and the Italian sofa set.

Oh! What a day for my car driver to take leave. Now, I have to travel by an auto!.
I hate to travel by the rickety auto rickshaws! This dress that I bought just last week for 3000/- , now I have to take extra care not to ruin this by the auto ride!
And the rude auto drivers ?..It takes lot of pain to deal with them!

How I wish I had not fought with my husband in the morning. Else, I could ask him to pick me up.
Hmm..that was indeed a heated debate. And I broke the flower vase that he had bought from Singapore. ..worth 2800 Indian Rupees!
How he is crazy for all designer items!
Why else do you think I bought this designer tie for him that cost me Rs 4750, to calm him down :): )
And if that is not enough, I have booked a table for two in Taj..hmm another 5000 bucks gone..

But after all, its salary day..and I think we have worked hard enough for all these tiny extra spending!


Ok..so here I am at my house.
Oh oh..so now I have to fight with the auto driver..It was just 5 minutes ride and he is charging me Rs.20 !!!!!
Does he think that money grows on trees for us????
A debate for 10 minutes and finally we settle for 15…hurray hurray. I have saved five rupees at the end of the day!!!
I am smiling!

And the painting laughed at the auto driver. Who was still thinking how to make the 250 rupees he was short of, to pay the auto rent.
And it was the last day of the month!

……………….

Time was ours, long time back!

“A minute for yours, pal, could you give me
And a cup of coffee ,together with me”
That’s my friend ; time was ours, long time back!

Sorry pal, I am busy
Hope you understand,
An hour earned is a dollar hundred


“A minute of yours, my love, could you give me
And the sunset at the beach, together with me”
That’s my love; time was ours, long time back

Sorry honey, I am busy
Hope you understand,
An hour earned is a dollar hundred


“A minute of yours Dad, could you give me
And a flower, could you draw for me”
That’s my sweetie pie; time was ours, long time back

Sorry sweetheart, I am busy
Hope you understand,
An hour earned is a dollar hundred


“Minutes of yours, over my child
Come with me to the world of timelessness”
That’s the messenger of the dark, come for me
Time is not mine, anymore now


“Could I have a minute of mine?
To have a coffee with my friend so dear
The sunset at the beach with my love so near
And a flower, for my sweetie, could I draw?”
That’s me, time was all mine, long time back!

“Sorry my child, I am busy”
Hope you understand
An hour was lost, for every dollar you earned!”

And I understand,
An hour lost is a life time lost
But I was so late, and the hour was lost!

Men and women!

He broke her heart, and told the world about it
The world called it great poetry
She broke his heart, and told the world about it
The world called it cruel treachery

And I know, the world is not of divine people
But mere earthly ‘men’ and ‘women’

Me and the Eagle

Me:
If I had wings to fly, I would soar so high
I would touch the clouds and say, I am free!


Eagle:
If I had brains to code, I would build an auto prey application
I would outsource my hunting and say, I am free!